here's hoping

I'm really sick of this diet crap... *sighs* I miss the days of not counting calories. But, as I begin to thin out little by little.... it makes it worth it. I find little ways to get me sweet tooth soothed (half a container of livesavers gummis is only 70 calories!) but I use to eat candy all the time.. so it's hard for me to stop.

so my boyfriend kinda backed out on me for the diet... which actually bums me out a little. I find it really hard to diet and exercise without support from someone... plus I find it really hard to eat right when there's really so little I eat. I'm concerned, because I really want to lose weight. It would be great to go home for christmas.. thinner and with an engagement ring... I know at least one of the two will happen.

What's also hard is, I notice so many people on these diet communities are already so thin. It makes it hard for me to relate and I sometimes just want to yell at these girls that they look great..... *sigh*

I wish I could just find focus and get myself exercising. I think I'll spend this weekend cleaning and determining not only my fitness goals and routines, but also where I want to be in 6 months from now.... there's so much I want to work towards: full time job or second job (thinking I'll have to go with the second job, maybe I'll apply at shari's or something since they are open 24hours); losing weight; moving into a new apartment.. complete with a new bed and furniture; engaged.....

here's hoping...

So the first day of my diet was pretty lame. I ended up not doing very well at all.. ending the night with a milk shake... but it was to treat myself for the rough day I had (took my boyfriend to the hospital and then he took me out to dinner <3)

The second day was a lot better. I ended up staying in the range I was hoping to and drank all the water I should. I didn't exercise though... that one is hard to get motivated to do.

so I've started drinking more water which is probably the best way to start this whole diet thing.... god I hate water so so much.

haha... my secret diet journal nobody knows about...